Lyrically Speaking: Sweet Little Liar
This January (2021) will be my ten year anniversary of being sober. For many years it was difficult for me to talk about publicly but writing and performing the song “Sweet Little Liar” has helped. What I have discovered is that my story is common and because I share it openly and honestly it helps others who are struggling with addiction to not feel so alone.
I had left my house around 6:20 AM on January 2nd, 2011 and was driving my usual route to work when I rounded a corner and hit black ice. There was a line of cars behind me, including a salt truck when I completely lost control of my ‘98 VW Jetta TDI. I found myself turning in a circle in the opposite lane. Luckily there were no cars and somehow I slid back into the right lane and smashed the front of the car into the guardrail. I remember thinking in those moments that I could die here, never see my children again, and leave my wife alone. Fortunately, no other vehicles were hit and I was not hurt. The car was totaled.
I managed to buy another car that day and while driving home decided I was no longer going to drink. This accident, by all accounts was not alcohol related, but one thing I noticed after the first few weeks of sobriety was how clear everything seemed. It was like a fog had lifted. In fact that is how I described it to my wife. The haze was gone. If I hadn’t been drinking all the days before the accident would there have been a different outcome? Would I have thought “this road could be icy, I should not accelerate”?
That idea of missing things, of not being in the present moment became the foundation for the song “Sweet Little Liar”. I started drinking when I was 14 (Vodka) and certainly had spans where I did not touch alcohol at all but whenever it was around, I drank. I started thinking about all the things I wasn’t really present for because the fog was ever present and that became the refrain.
(Refrain)
First steps, first words, first time’s first kiss
At 14 you don’t think about the things you’re going to miss
The fog is your friend there at day’s end
Starts a pleasant fire you regret the next day
Sweet Little Liar who steals your life away.
I quit “cold turkey” but I did not quit alone. My family supported me. I dumped all the alcohol in the house include the cheap stuff we made herbal tinctures with. I made sure that whenever I got the urge to take “The Daily Trip to the Well” (liquor store, wine isle, beer cave) that I just kept driving. Shopping was really hard. Why do they put beer in the bread isle???? Gigs and social gatherings were even harder. I learned to substitute other beverages. Hot lemon ginger tea or Kombucha are my go to elixirs. We joke about it at my house. We say
“If you ever want to know what it is like to be a social outcast, don’t drink and eat a vegan diet. You’ll never get invited to anything ever again”.
It’s funny for us but there is some truth to it. Our society does not really support an alcohol free life. Telling others in the band or at a party that you do not drink is like holding a mirror up to them. And since more people are struggling with alcoholism than we realize it can be a very sobering mirror to look into. I have found that being open and honest about it has helped many people choose to live a sober life.
Thanks for reading,
Josh
